Friendship and Trust
by passion4trinity
Summary: Sirius thinks his life is coming to an end when he betrays his friends'. My first fan fic. Please read or flame. Enjoy.
1. Sirius' Mistake

Disclaimer: Mwahaha, I don't own any of this, because if I did, then Sirius would not have....yeah, anyways....just read. Please  
  
Chapter 1 Sirius's Serious Mistake  
  
Trust is hard to come by. Once you have it, it's best not to throw it away. I made that mistake. Go figure. I hadn't meant for things to get out of control like that. I hadn't meant to lose my temper. I hadn't meant....well, what did it matter what I meant or not. My decision had been made, and it had obviously been the bad one.  
  
Ever since Snape confronted me about Remus a few nights ago.....disaster, one might say. To put it nicely. None of them had talked to me since. Neither James, Peter, nor, of course, Remus. Who could blame them? Not me. It was my fault, and I know that I deserve their nasty form of punishment. It still hurt though. In fact, knowing that I deserved it made it so much worse.  
  
Snape deserved it too though. Coming after me, saying....what does it matter? My life, almost, seems as if it's come to a complete stand still. What's the point of living if everyone hates me? My own family can't even bear to look at me. Now my friends have turned away. What's the point of living? It seems as if my life is just designed to make other people suffer. I hate making other people Suffer. I guess that's what separates me from the rest of my blasted family. Maybe it'd be better if I just...vanished off the face of the earth.  
  
****  
  
The next morning, I woke up to shushed voices. It was James and Remus talking. About me.  
  
"Why would you want to forgive him? After what he did to you? After what he almost did to Snape?" I heard James' voice say.  
  
"It's been almost a month James. Everyone makes mistakes," Remus's reasonable voice replied.  
  
James said, "Whatever. You think what you want. I still believe he deserves to die and rot in the lowest pits of-"  
  
"Be quiet and let's go eat," Remus snapped and moment's later silence fell in the dormitory. It felt slightly better knowing that Remus wanted to forgive me, but James.... James was my brother. He was the only thing I'd had for a family since I was 8 years old.  
  
I turned over onto my side, still thinking. My clock said 8:30, and I knew I had to get up. Hauling myself out of bed just seemed to get harder everyday, and with no friends, it almost seemed unbearable. Everyday though, I manage it somehow.  
  
I quickly got ready and raced down to the Great Hall for breakfast. I saw James, Remus, and Peter sitting together talking and laughing. A pang of guilt, jealousy, and shame came over me. I turned away from them as tears threatened to well up in my eyes. It seemed that I was getting weaker in my old age, no matter how stupid that sounded.  
  
I chose a seat at the end of the table and sat down, just as a girl with dark hair sat down in the seat next to me and collided into my side.  
  
"Ouch!" we both exclaimed. The girl looked over at me. I had never seen her before. She had dark brown hair cascading down he back and brown eyes that seemed to be overly happy.  
  
"Hey," she said cheerfully, looking over at me with a critical eye. She had a slight accent.  
  
"Hi," I answered, noticing her accent and giving her a strange look. She clearly saw and rolled her eyes. "I'm from America, yes. Now let's all stare at the new person who has never been here before. Fascinating, aye?"  
  
"Erm, yes, I s'pose," I answered, not sure what to make of this odd witch. Suddenly she held out her hand and stated, "I'm Natalie Naberrie. And you would be.....silent?"  
  
Astonishingly enough, I laughed at her. "I'm Sirius."  
  
"Yeah, right. You do seem to be a bit...solemn. Now what's your name?"  
  
"No, my name is Sirius. It's a common misconception."  
  
"Is that so? Well that would mean you're named after a star of some sort. Imagine that."  
  
"I guess."  
  
"Hey Natalie!" some boy called out, and came over to sit down. "Is this the Gryffyndor table? Fascinating. I feel so special."  
  
Natalie sighed and rolled her eyes. "This is my insane brother, Ben. We're twins. Can you tell? No, I guess not. Oh well. Oh, and Ben, this is Sirius."  
  
"Well, that's not very nice. So what if he's not has hyper as you, that doesn't mean you have to call him mean names."  
  
"No, my name is Sirius, like the star," I explained.  
  
"Oh, right. I'm not slow, no really, I'm not," Ben joked. "You look rather lonely, you know that dude?"  
  
"Yeah, surely you have friends around here somewhere," Natalie added.  
  
"Don't call him Surly, that's not very nice," exclaimed Ben in mock outrage.  
  
"Stuff it bro," Natalie whispered.  
  
"I....well, trust is a hard thing to lose," I answered. To my surprise, Natalie and Ben nodded their agreement.  
  
**********  
  
A.N: Ok, how was that? Horrible? I agree. Oh well. It's supposed to get better. Doesn't mean it will, but hey. I'm doing my best. Anyways, if any of you feel like being nice to the little newbie, please review, flame, spit, curse (well, please don't), whatever else is to your great liking. There will be more chapters. 


	2. Foriegn Exchange Students

Um.....this is chapter 2. kinda. Yeah it is. Stop contradicting me little people in my head. *ahem* yeah, not many reviews but that's ok. I care not. Simply because that's who I am. Anyways, on with the chapter!!!  
  
Chapter 2. The Foreign Exchange Students  
  
After breakfast, and listening to the foreigners talk, I got up to head to Transfiguration. At the end of the table I saw James, Remus, and Peter do the same. They didn't even glance at me. A wave of sadness came over me, but pushed it back as Natalie and Ben came up behind me.  
  
"Oh," Natalie said, watching my friends leave. "Those are your friends, aye?"  
  
"No, they used to be, and it's my fault that they aren't anymore. I don't deserve their forgiveness, so I'm not asking for it."  
  
"Everyone deserves to be forgiven," Ben said softly.  
  
"Not me. I did something that's unforgivable," I replied mournfully.  
  
"If you say so," Natalie muttered and walked by me.  
  
"Hey, why are you here anyway?" I asked trying to change the subject.  
  
Ben and Natalie exchanged a glance and looked worried. "Well," Natalie began slowly, "our parents were killed by some dude named Black. Evil git."  
  
"What?!" I exclaimed and came to a stop. I tried to outwardly compose myself. Black isn't such an uncommon last name, I told myself angrily. Deep down inside I knew it was my family. Now here were two new friends and I was going to lose them too. All because of my bloody family. Poor me.  
  
"What's wrong?" asked Ben, looking at me in a concerned fashion that kind of surprised me, considering one of my many pureblood maniac relatives had killed their parents.  
  
I sighed. They were going to find out anyways, so I decided to just tell them. "My last name is Black. I'm Sirius Black." I turned my face around so I didn't have to look them in the eye. To my great shock, I felt a comforting hand on my shoulder. I looked around and stared into her brown compassionate eyes. Ben was standing behind her and watching awkwardly .  
  
"Why aren't you looking at me with an appalled look on your face and screaming profanities at me?" I inquired, now incredibly shocked.  
  
"Because I don't judge someone by who there family is. You don't seem to be evil. In fact, you seem to be quite the opposite. If you're a true Black, I'd think you'd be in Slytherin," Natalie stated.  
  
"Plus," added Ben, "you're not the one that murdered our parents. You're Sirius Black. Not....well, what's-his-face Black."  
  
I laughed, feeling much better. These were some friends who weren't just gonna abandon me, and while the others had every right to leave me, it still hurt me deeply.  
  
We walked the rest of the way to Transfiguration with Natalie holding my hand in a reassuring sort of way. "Hey," I asked suddenly, "how did you get in Gryffindor?"  
  
"We were sorted immediately when we got here. Which was last night late," Ben explained.  
  
"I guess it was just our luck to be sorted here. That way we got to meet you!" Natalie added, smiling slightly. We entered the classroom at that moment and walked to seats. In the back, out of the corner of my eye, I could see James glaring at me. My heart seemed to break into a million pieces again. I determinedly looked away and sat by my new friends.  
  
A.N: ok, how was that? I hope it was better than the first chapter. Still, you all have full permission to give your honest opinion. So....yeah. the next chapter is coming soon. I hope. 


	3. The Werewolf

Disclaimer: la la la, I still don't own it. Poor me. If I did....I'd be rich!! But I don't, so that's my loss. Please keep reading it. It's gonna get exciting sooner or later. Well, that's by my standards of course, but still....*sighs* I care not. Just....review, flame, spit, blah blah blah. And go Lakers!!!  
  
Chapter 3. The Werewolf  
  
A month went by without anything changing between James, Remus, Peter, or myself. However, I managed to get closer to Ben and, especially, Natalie. She was different from the other girls I'd dated before. She didn't act as though she was trying to impress people. She seemed to have fun just being herself, and while that was sometimes insane, I enjoyed being with her. I had the feeling that she was getting closer to me as well.  
  
I was almost happy now in my life, despite the fact that I missed my old friends. However, the holidays were approaching and my parents were commanding that I come home to spend time in the torture house, as I liked to call it. I guess I was looking really depressed lately, because Natalie and Ben kept on asking if something was wrong. They knew that I had to go home, but they didn't really realize how horrible my family was. Or so I thought.  
  
"Are you alright?" asked Natalie.  
  
"Yes, I'm fine," I responded, sounding tired. She looked at me closely.  
  
"You are not. It's your parents, isn't it?"  
  
I looked at her, surprised. "No....it's not...."  
  
"Yes it is. I've heard about how horrible your family is. Quite frankly, they killed my family."  
  
"Oh yes, I remember. How could I forget?"  
  
"You're a moron?" asked Ben as he walked up. He looked very confused, an expression that was frequently on his face.  
  
"How did you get that out of what I actually said," I inquired, wondering what Ben's IQ was.  
  
"I have no idea, what did I say?" Ben stated.  
  
"Ben, be quiet, I was getting somewhere with him," Natalie snapped irritably.  
  
"Oh, sorry," replied Ben, meekly.  
  
Just then, James and the rest of his buddies passed by. James gave me a dark look and stalked away. I now noticed how Lily could think James was kind of arrogant. He did give off a haughty air.  
  
Natalie noticed my gaze and stated, "You never told me what was going on between you and them."  
  
"Yeah," added Ben, "what did you do to make them blow up at you like that?"  
  
I sighed. "Well, I kinda told a secret about one of my friends to our mortal enemy."  
  
"About which friend?" asked Ben and Natalie simultaneously.  
  
"Remus," I answered shortly, not intending to say much more on the topic.  
  
"Ah," Natalie said knowingly, "the werewolf."  
  
"WHAT?!" I screeched. How in the world did they know that?  
  
"It's fairly obvious," reasoned Ben. "He's always ill and pale. He is always absent on certain phases of the moon. Basically the full moon. Hence: werewolf."  
  
"We're right, aren't we?" inquired Natalie.  
  
"Yes," I muttered, not wanting to be rude. "You can't tell anyone though."  
  
"Do you really think we're that stupid?" asked Ben sounding angry.  
  
"We know what would happen if word got out that Dumbledore allowed a werewolf to attend school," snapped Natalie.  
  
"Don't get me wrong, we're not against werewolves," hastily added Ben, looking at my facial expressions. I guess I looked angry.  
  
"Actually, we're completely 100% FOR werewolves. To be quite blunt, I think all the prejudice towards werewolves is completely stupid. Werewolves are just like us on every day except one out of the entire month. And...I'll stop now. I'm rambling on and on and on," Natalie said all in one breath.  
  
"Like the energizer bunny," joked Ben.  
  
I laughed at that. So did Natalie. The tension was lifted after that and we continued to have a good time. I looked at Natalie and felt my heart flutter. I pushed away the feeling and headed towards the Gryffindor common room with the twins following behind me. For the time being, thoughts of my family were pushed out of my head and I was perfectly content. Well....for the most part. I still missed my other friends, but the ache was lessened by my acquaintance with the two foreign students. How long would that last though? I did not know the answer to that so I pushed away the bothersome question and continued to be happy. For the moment at least.  
  
******** A.N: ok, that was chapter 3. Horrible? Of course. Whatever your opinion is, I'll accept it. After all, I'm not gonna growl at all if you're all nice in reviews. unless it's the truth and then....just forget I said anything, I'm confusing myself, so I can only imagine how you're absorbing this. Poor me. Anyway, please review. LOVE TO ALL OF MY FANS!!!! If I have any.....GO LAKERS!!!! 


	4. Going Home

Disclaimer: still not the owner. I'm working on it though. Not so, I lie. The last chapter was kinda boring, I admit, but no one understood what was happening so it was kinda essential. I don't need to be confusing people. I do enough of that in my little notes. Anyways on with the chapter!  
  
Chapter 4 Going Home  
  
The holidays came sooner than I wanted them to and soon I was on the train heading home. Natalie and Ben were staying at Hogwarts considering they didn't have a family to go home to. I had stood by the carriages waving good-bye to them knowing I was gonna miss them. They would most likely be lonely without me. I would especially Miss Natalie.  
  
I was all alone on the train. No one wanted anything to do with me. I was half hoping that James would at least speak with me, but the entire train ride was spent in solitude. I mostly slept. Recently my head had been hurting from sleep deprivation. I guess that was caused by worrying about James or Natalie and Ben.  
  
When the train arrived at the station, I got off and quickly left, carrying my trunk behind me. When I got on the platform, I gazed around apprehensively. A few cars away I saw James, Remus, and Peter getting off of the train. A pang of guilt, sadness, and loneliness struck me and I looked away. Standing in the corner, I could see my father staring grimly about him. I sighed and walked over to him.  
  
"Hello father," I said stiffly when I reached him. He just glared at me. I knew that he had received an owl from Dumbledore telling what had happened with Snape and Remus. Of course, Remus's name was not mentioned.  
  
"Come along," my father replied curtly and spun around on his heel. He walked haughtily out of the station, not once looking around to see if I was following. I was never received with more than a few words, but this year he seemed to be even more...distant towards me. Colder in his tone and attitude.  
  
"Where's Regulus?" I asked my father once I had caught up to him. I didn't really care, but I found it odd that he wasn't with us.  
  
"He's staying with the Malfoys this Christmas," came the sharp response. I decided I wouldn't ask anything else and instead walked in silence until we got to a place where we could successfully use floo powder without being seen by muggles. Not that my father really cared, of course. He just thought it would be best to keep up his good reputation.  
  
"Go," he instructed me, and without hesitating, I grabbed some floo powder and cried out clearly, "Grimmauld Place!" The next thing I saw was the dreary living room of my home. If you could call it that. Seconds later, my father appeared behind me with my trunk. My mother rushed out of the kitchen, yelling something back to our house elf, Kreacher.  
  
"Hello," she said stiffly when she saw me.  
  
"Hello mother," I replied, just as sullen and...grim. My father immediately walked away and locked himself in his study. When he was gone, my mother glared at me once, and then turned away and walked upstairs, shouting at the house elf again.  
  
I sighed and walked into the kitchen. I started opening up cupboards randomly to find food. I would have eaten anything at the moment, having not eaten much on the train. I finally settled for a sandwich and sat down to eat it. Right as I finished, my mother walked in, a sour expression on her face. I suppose she could have been pretty, and probably was once. Years of hatred and coldness had changed that though and now she had nothing more than a shadow of beauty.  
  
"Your father wishes to speak with you," she snapped and glared at me with disdain. I had been in the house for less than an hour and already they were treating me as if I was some sort of....filthy animal. Then I remembered. To them, I was worse.  
  
I sighed and got up to walk to my father's study. I could sense no good coming out of this. With dread I knocked on the door to his room. It slid open magically and I dragged myself into the room. My father was sitting in his chair with the back turned towards me.  
  
"So," he began, "I got a letter saying that you almost killed another student. Is this true?"  
  
I gulped. "Yes sir."  
  
"It said in the letter that the student you almost killed was none other than Severus Snape. Is that true as well?"  
  
"Yes sir."  
  
"And it also said that there is a werewolf at the school and you knew about the monster. Is that true?"  
  
"He is not a monster!" I exclaimed, forgetting myself momentarily. The chair my father was sitting in spun around violently and he stood up quickly. He walked over to me and shoved me up against the wall. Hard. I heard something crack. His hands were painfully tight on my arms and I was sure that one of them was broken somewhere.  
  
"HOW DARE YOU CONTRADICT ME TO PROTECT SOME MONSTER!!!? SOME CREATURE!!!" he roared and slapped me. I staggered slightly and probably would have fallen had his grip on me not been so tight.  
  
"He's my friend," I snapped, almost struggling to be coherent. He had hit me harder than I had first thought. My comment, however, brought on another hard slap. This time he let go of my arms and I collapsed to the floor.  
  
"Who is this monster? This....werewolf?" he inquired, his voice suddenly becoming quiet and deadly. I stubbornly remained silent. "I ASKED WHO THE WEREWOLF WAS!!!" he yelled and kicked me hard in the stomach. I rolled over onto my side, pain coursing through my body.  
  
Through all the pain I managed to say, "I'm not going to tell you. I'd rather die than betray my friend again."  
  
"You might," my father replied, his lip curling into a sneer.  
  
*********** A.N: mean, aren't I. personally, I like leaving my story off there. It makes it more exciting. Ooh, that might not be considered PG material though....oh well. The next chapter will be coming soon, if it's not already up. Who knows? I most certainly don't, which is kinda sad considering I'm the one writing it. Oh well. Yeah, star wars rocks. 


	5. Runaway

Disclaimer: I'm so bored and no I don't own the books yet. "What are we gonna do today?" "The same thing we do every day, try to take over.....Harry Potter. Mwahaha." Teeheehee. Anyways, here's chapter 5. I do need to get a life.  
  
Chapter 5. Runaway  
  
That was the worst beating I had ever gone through. I had passed out after 15 minutes of an intense beating. I woke up later to find myself out alone in the cold with my trunk next to me. On the trunk was a timed Howler (A.N: I know it probably doesn't exist but play along. it's our little secret.). I knew it wouldn't say anything good, so I just stared at it and made no move to open it.  
  
I felt crappy to say the least. I was pretty sure that my left arm was broken and I could feel cuts and bruises all over my body. I also knew that if I didn't get warm soon I would probably freeze to death. And considering the fact that that option didn't appeal to me, I set out to find a place to stay. But where? The problem was, no one liked the Blacks. Anyone who did was insane.  
  
I got up, wincing at all my injuries. I was almost upright, when a sharp pain in my side made me whimper and sink back down onto my knees. I was immobilized. Uncertain of what to do, I just sat there, huddling by my trunk for warmth. Gazing around, I felt all hope of getting back to Hogwarts leave me. Even if I did survive, I would probably be just barely alive. What good would I be if I was almost dead? What good was I anyway?  
  
Then I thought of Natalie. Natalie and her dark hair and skin. Natalie with her happy eyes, always so joyful and hyper. Natalie and her comforting words of wisdom. I was head of heels and I knew it. Natalie was perfect in every single way, no matter how corny that sounds. I had to survive, if not for myself, then for her. I sighed and began to get up again, this time ignoring my protesting body.  
  
I managed to stand up, but had a hard time walking. I grabbed the handle of my trunk and began to pull it along behind me. I spent a good hour doing this. Just wandering around aimlessly did have its flaws, but astonishingly enough, it had some good too. I came up with an idea. Well, it wasn't a good one, but it was the only one that could even remotely work. I was going to go to James's house. In a way that scared me. Knowing how I was going to be received didn't make me feel any better, but at the time, I was low on options.  
  
Just as I made up my mind, the Howler on my trunk began to smoke. I cringed slightly, knowing that a long torrent of words would be hurtled at me. I was right.  
  
SIRIUS BLACK!!! HOW DARE YOU?? AFTER ALL THE YEARS WE TOOK CARE OF YOU! WE CLOTHED YOU, WE FED YOU, WE PUT A ROOF OVER YOUR HEAD AND THIS IS HOW YOU THANK US? BY TURNING YOUR BACK ON US? WELL NO SON OF MINE WILL ACT LIKE THAT. YOU ARE AN ABOMINATION, SHAME OF MY FLESH, FILTHY BLOOD TRAITOR, AND FAILURE!!! (A.N.: many profanities would probably follow, but I don't really approve of cursing so I'm not gonna actually write it. you can all just let your imaginations run away with you if you like). WE SHOULD HAVE DROWNED YOU WHEN WE HAD THE CHANCE!!! YOU ARE NO LONGER WELCOME IN OUR HOUSE. IF YOU EVER DO COME BACK WE WILL KILL YOU!!!  
  
The howler ended traditionally when it burned itself into more ashes. If my condition wasn't bad enough, tears began to fill my eyes. Sure I'd never really cared for my family, but they were still family. I had no where to go now. My future was looking very bleak. I decided on continuing to James's house, but in my current condition I knew it was gonna be hard. I was already starting to feel weak, as if I was gonna pass out again.  
  
I sat down on my trunk briefly, holding my aching head in my hands. I knew that there was blood caked around my face, I could feel it there. Knowing that I had to be moving, I got to my feet as gracefully as I could and began dragging my trunk again. James lived about 30 minutes from where I lived driving. The way I figured it, I'd get there by morning. Maybe.  
  
Just then a thought struck me. The knight bus. I groped for my wand in my trunk, silently berating myself for forgetting about the knight bus in the first place. I found it and held it in my right hand, carefully cradling my broken one against my chest. The bus appeared moments after I held up my wand and I gratefully pulled out some galleons and limped onto the bus as the door opened.  
  
"And you'll be going where?" asked the bus attendant.  
  
"Godric's Hollow," I replied.  
  
"That would be 10 galleons please."  
  
I handed the attendant the money and went to go sit on a bed, being careful of my injuries the entire time. Shortly after I sat down, the bus started off again with a bang.  
  
It hadn't occurred to be that I looked terrible. Being beaten up would do that to a guy I guess. So it kinda surprised me when the attendant kept on staring at me. She finally broke her silence and said, "Would like some hot chocolate for an extra 5 sickles?"  
  
I thought about if for a moment and then declined. I wasn't really thirsty, just tired, hurt, and hungry. I would have asked for food except I knew that the bus would be at the Potter house soon. So I just sat back and tried to make my aching body comfortable. It wasn't really working, but I guess it's the effort that counts.  
  
Just as I got comfortable, the bus came to a halt. I knew that it was James's house by the pointed look the attendant gave me.  
  
"Have a goodnight," she said uncertainly as I limped off the bus, dragging my trunk behind me.  
  
"Thank you."  
  
As the bus pulled away again, I looked around. I had always liked James's neighborhood, because it had always been so nice. This night, however, it seemed threatening. Probably just because I wasn't looking forward to facing James again. I had to though. There was no where else I could go. It was just worth the risk.  
  
I slowly walked up the walk to the door of the Potter's house. It hurt to move so when I reached the door, I gingerly reached out and knocked. It was about 3:00 am. Upstairs I could see a light come on. It came from James's room. Fear filled me instantly, and for a moment I questioned my decision. I pushed away my doubts and instead focused on staying on my feet. By then I was swaying and about to collapse again.  
  
James didn't come to the door immediately, so I knocked again, this time with more force. This took almost all my remaining energy. I was drained. I was praying that James would open the door soon. My prayer was answered and a few seconds later the door opened, revealing a sleep, disgruntled James. He took one look at me and his jaw dropped and his face grew hard.  
  
"Sirius," was all he said.  
  
********* A.N: another little surprise for you to come. Although it's probably not a surprise, but whatever. Please review. My fingers are frozen as I type this so I think I deserve some kind of response. Flame, compliment, spit, yell, scream, cry, whatever you wanna do, just PLEASE respond. Thank you. Go Lakers! 


	6. Worrying

Disclaimer: I still don't own Harry Potter so don't ask me to borrow money.  
  
Read on. This chapter is swell. I think anyways.  
  
Chapter 6 Worrying  
  
"James, I-" I began, before James cut me off.  
  
"I thought I made it clear what my opinion was of you at the moment," James snarled. Anger was flashing across his face and was scaring me.  
  
"But James-"  
  
"I don't wanna talk to you, goodbye." James slammed the door in my face. I swayed on my feet and looked down. My vision was starting to go black around the edges. I sat down on James's porch and curled up and fell asleep.  
  
(James's point of view)  
  
When I saw Sirius standing on my doorstep I didn't know what to think. On one hand I was worried and happy, and on the other hand I was angry and mistrustful. I pushed away any emotions that weren't derogatory.  
  
"Sirius," I simply said, and I could hear the anger and coldness in my own voice and was surprised at it.  
  
"James, I-" Sirius started. He didn't seem to be as happy as he usually was and his voice was filled with anguish. He seemed to be very weak. I ignored this and put it off to be an act.  
  
"I thought I made it clear what my opinion was of you," I snapped. I couldn't really believe I was still this angry at Sirius. Sure he had betrayed Remus, but Sirius was still my best friend, my brother.  
  
"But James-"  
  
I cut him off again and almost yelled, "I don't wanna talk to you, goodbye." I slammed the door in his face, surprised that he hadn't tried harder to talk to me. I stomped upstairs, an emotional nightmare one might say.  
  
When I got up to my room I fell onto my bed and fell asleep in moments.  
  
The next morning I woke up to loud voices downstairs. It was my parents yelling about something. Sleepily I got up and stretched out my legs and arms. Getting dressed quickly, in case my parents needed my help, my thoughts turned to Sirius. I wondered what had happened to him. I wondered why he had come to my house, considering he knew I was still angry at him.  
  
Pushing thoughts of him away, I walked to the top of the stairs. I saw immediately what the problem was. Sirius was lying on the couch, looking so pale that for a second I thought he was dead. My parents were talking about what to do.  
  
"Go get a healer," I heard my mom say and my father apparated out of the room. I walked down the stairs slowly, not wanting to believe it.  
  
"What happened mom?" I asked nervously, afraid that I had killed him somehow.  
  
"I woke up and walked out the door and almost stepped on your friend here. He was unconscious and was all beat up," she turned towards me. "You don't know anything about this do you?"  
  
"No, I don't mom," I answered almost truthfully.  
  
"I can't believe parents could do such a thing to their own child," she whispered, gently stroking Sirius's beat up face. "He had a broken arm and many fractured ribs. He's been slashed with a knife it looks like on his arms. And his father apparently just used him as a punching bag."  
  
"Will he be alright?" I asked my mom.  
  
She pursed her lips together and shook her head. "I don't know," she honestly replied. "I don't' know, but I certainly hope so.  
  
A.N: this chapter is short, I know, but I ran out of good things to say. Um...I hope the change of point of view didn't confuse anyone. I just thought it would be better....if you don't like it please tell me. Thank you. Star Wars Rocks!!! 


	7. Bedside Confessions

A.N.: I'd do a disclaimer only I think by now everyone knows I don't own it. too bad for me, aye? Anyways, read the next chapter and then write a review, and then go outside and play. Oh, and sorry for any confusion that might have occurred about chapter 7. or, one that appeared last night. It was NOT part of the story. This is the CORRECT chapter 7. sorry for any confusion. Ta.  
  
Chapter 7 Bedside Confessions  
  
(James's point of view)  
  
A few days went by with Sirius's condition never improving. Nor did it worsen. I was feeling exceedingly guilty about what had happened. Sirius was supposed to come straight to my house to spend the holidays with me, despite what Sirius's parents had commanded. Because I had been mad at him that invitation had been undoubtedly withdrawn, and Sirius had known that.  
  
I went down into the guest bedroom where Sirius had been moved to. I entered and walked over to the bed. I sat down on it and gazed at my friend. Yes, he made a mistake. Yes, he had betrayed Remus. Yes, he was a bit rash. He had paid the price. He might have paid the price with his life. He was so pale.  
  
In his sleep, Sirius rolled over onto his side and mumbled something. That was the one improvement. He was now just continuously sleeping.  
  
"I think he'll get better," a voice came from the door. I slowly turned around and saw my mom standing there, looking at me in a concerned manner. "It's just a matter of when."  
  
"It's all my fault mom. If I hadn't been so stupid and remained angry with him then he would have just come to our house. But no...." I sighed and turned to look back at Sirius. He shifted again in his sleep.  
  
"I need him to wake up. He needs to drink something. I don't wanna have to resort to muggle needles," his mother said, walking over to the bed also. Gently, she placed her hand on Sirius's forehead. He shuddered slightly and continued sleeping. "He's still so warm..."she muttered, looking worried.  
  
"He'll be alright though, right?"  
  
"I think he will, but that doesn't necessarily make it true," she answered. She sighed and gently shook Sirius's shoulder. "Come on Sirius, wake up."  
  
Sirius moaned and his eyes fluttered open. Blue eyes gazed around confusedly. He didn't seem to recognize anything, which concerned me. "Mom, why does he not know anything?" I whispered.  
  
"He's still badly injured," she replied. Turning her attention back to Sirius, she crooned, "Come on Sirius, drink this." She carefully placed the cup to his lips. He began to drink it and Mrs. Potter sighed in relief. "At least he's drinking."  
  
She then reached out to touch his battered face. He pulled away and twisted to one side. He whimpered slightly as he hurt his still healing rib fractures. Mrs. Potter sighed and asked me to hold him still.  
  
I carefully wrapped my arms around his injured body and held him still. He was shaking in my arms. I started to whisper words of encouragement to him. His shaking gradually began to decreases and finally he would allow my mother to touch him.  
  
"Thank you James," she said, relief showing on her face. She got out some type of salve and gently spread it on Sirius's cuts. He started to shudder again. "It's ok, Sirius," she murmured. "Who could do something like this to their own child?"  
  
"The Black's apparently do," I responded bitterly.  
  
My mom sighed sadly. "You're right. What I don't understand is why he didn't just come straight to our house like had originally been planned. James..." Mrs. Potter asked, looking at me suspiciously.  
  
"Well, Sirius and I had been in a fight and...the invitation was withdrawn."  
  
"A fight over what?"  
  
I sighed. I figured that I had no choice and had to tell her. So I started to tell her what had happened with Remus. How Sirius had betrayed him. About how he and Remus and practically thrown Sirius out of the hospital wing for being such an arrogant twit. How I had screamed at him in the Great Hall. I told my mother everything and she listened attentively while gently stroking Sirius's hand.  
  
Sirius was still awake, but he didn't seem to be comprehending anything I was saying. Every now and then I'd look down at him and he'd just be sitting there, staring off into space.  
  
When I finished telling my mom what had happened, she looked at me and then back to Sirius. He was trembling again, but it might have been because he was cold. His eyes were blank, and I felt sorrow in my heart. This was my fault. I had done this to my friend.  
  
"Mom, I feel so guilty. What if he dies. I was supposed to take care of him, from a certain perspective. I promised I would not abandon him. What if-"  
  
"Shush," Mrs. Potter said soothingly, gazing at Sirius's face and gently placing a hand on his cheek. "He'll be fine. I'm sure of it."  
  
A.N: that chapter was all talk and no nothing else. If that made sense. Anyways....read and review. Read and review. Read and review. Read and review. Read and....oh forget it. please review. Thank you!!! Love to all. 


	8. Waking

A.N. I still don't own it even though this isn't a disclaimer. teeheehee. anyways, this is chapter 8. um.....la la la. please read it and then review. thanks to all those who have listened to my pathetic begging and have reviewed.   
  
Chapter 8: Waking up  
  
(Sirius's point of view)  
  
  
  
I woke up with this aching in my head so profound that....it hurt. There was just no other way to say it. I wasn't sure for how long I'd been out. And come to think of it, I couldnt' figure out where I was or what had happened. Then again, my eyes hadn't really focused yet.  
  
When I could see properly, I immediately knew what had happened. That night came rushing back to my memory. Going home. Eating a quick sandwhich. Going to my father's study. Disagreeing with him about Remus. Getting the beating of my life. Running away. Freezing. Alone. Despair. Sadness.   
  
I gasped. This was the Potter's home. The last thing I could completely remember was having the door slammed in my face by James. He'd told me that he hadn't wanted to see me. Yet here I was, in the guest bed of his house. And sitting next to me, asleep in a chair, was Mrs. Potter. James was curled up in a small ball in a corner.   
  
I had to get out. I knew I wasn't welcome there. I tried to get up, but my side still hurt so badly that I lay back down immediately with a small whimper. I was stuck. James was going to yell at me again. He'd probably been waiting to. And while I knew I deserved it, it still didn't mean that I welcomed it.  
  
I started to think about everything. I vaugly remembered waking up sometime earlier and having someone gentle caring for me. Wrapping their arms around my battered body and whispering encouraging words in my ears. I kind of remembered a cool hand stroking my burning hand, in a soothing sort of way. I sort of remembered some other hand stroking back my hair in the middle of the night and also stroking my cheek. I probably dreamed it all up, so love deprived as I was.   
  
Just then a sound came from the chair next to the bed. Mrs. Potter was stirring. She opened her eyes and blinked them to get the sleep out of them. Her gaze instantly went to me. When she saw that I was awake, a smile came to her face and she quickly got up to sit on the edge of the bed. Her hand went to my forehead and then went down my cheek in a motherly fashion.  
  
"You're awake," she whispered, tears welling up in her eyes. Tears of happiness, I realized. "I'm so glad. I'm so very glad."   
  
She wrapped her arms around my still aching body, but I suppressed a whimper and let her hold me. Plus, the hug felt better than it hurt. I had never been touched by someone like that before. Sure, Mrs. Potter had given me hugs before, but never one that was so...motherly. I guess my mom might have given my hugs when I was still known as part of the family. When I wasn't such a blood traitor.  
  
  
  
The embrace seemed to last forever, and I enjoyed every moment of it. When she broke away from me, I looked up at her in an apologetic way. "I'm sorry. I'll be out of your way as soon as I possibly can be. I can go stay with...well, I'll find somewhere to stay. I'm sorry I've been such a burden. I just didn't know where else to go and you said that I was always welcome here...." I trailed off.   
  
"You can stay as long as you want dear. In fact, I want you to stay for the rest of these holidays and then next summer too."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Of course."  
  
I thought for a minute. What would James have to say to that? I figured I'd ask him when he woke up. "I would really appreciate that, Mrs. Potter," I said.   
  
"Good."  
  
"Um...how long was I out?" I asked, not really wanting to know.  
  
"You were out for....um, probably 8 days. You really got beat up. Your father did it didn't he?"  
  
I hesitated before answering. "Yes he did."  
  
"Did he use to beat you often?"  
  
Once again, I paused before telling her. "Yes he did. Every time I went home it would be the same thing. I would get yelled at and then I would get beaten. This is the worst it's ever been though."  
  
Mrs. Potter nodded. "I'm going to go get you something to eat. I'll be right back." With that, she left, just as a groan came from James's little corner. I turned to look at him and saw him uncurling himself from the wall. His gaze, like his mother's, went straight to me. When he saw that I was awake, I flinched slightly. I didn't want to face the torrent of words that was sure to come.  
  
"Sirius," was all he said.   
  
I opened my mouth to say something. To apologize. To explain. To shout. To whisper. Whatever, I wanted to say was cut off though. James hopped up from the floor and threw himself at me.   
  
Before I knew it, James was wrapped around my waist. My still aching waist. But once again, I didn't care. The pain I was going through was worth it.   
  
"I'm so sorry Sirius. I should have forgiven you ages ago. Mooney wanted to. But I wouldn't listen to him. And then you....when I saw you on the poarch I was angry. I didn't know you were injured so badly. And then you were on the couch....I could have lost you. And you would have died with the words of hatred in your mind."  
  
"James, I-"  
  
"I'm so sorry," James rambled on and on and on (like the energizer bunny).   
  
"James!" I finally shouted to get his attention. He turned his sad eyes on me. "I should be the one begging for forgiveness. I almost killed you and Snape. You had every right to not wanna speak to me. And-"  
  
"No, I'm the one to blame."  
  
"No, I am."  
  
"No, I am."  
  
"No, I am!"  
  
"No, I...why are we arguing about this?" asked James.  
  
I thought about if for a moment. "I dont' know," I finally laughed. James laughed too and gave me another tight embrace. For the first time in months, despite Natalie and Ben, I actually felt loved and accepted. I was home. 


	9. Confrontation

A.N: ok, I'm drawing a blank here. one might call it a writers block, but hey. i will post because....i've kinda got an idea going. oh, and, unless i say otherwise, the rest of the story is sirius's point of view.   
  
Chapter 9 Confrontation  
  
Christmas had gone and passed by the time I had awoken, but it didn't matter. In my mind, I had recieved the best gift possible. I had my best friend back. I was pretty sure that Natalie and Ben would be happy for me but....who knew. As far as I knew, I was there only true friend.  
  
"Sirius," called out James, breaking into my thoughts. I rolled my eyes.  
  
"What do you want?" I yelled back at him, regretting it almost instantly. Although I had improved greatly over the few days that I had been awake, my head was still aching.   
  
"Come down here. My mom wants to see you. And there are some people here to see you," answered James, and then he fell silent. I felt a tremor of fear go through my body. Who were these people. I didn't want to have to face any old friends of my family. And I certainly didn't want to see any of my relatives other than Andromeda and maybe Unlce Alphard.  
  
Considering there was no way to avoid going downstairs, I dragged myself out of the chair I had been sitting in and slowly walked down the staris, as if I was going to my death. Personally, I thought going downstairs at the moment would be suicide.   
  
When I entered the living room I saw James's dad, Dumbledore, a ministry official, and...my father. I gasped and stopped in the doorway.   
  
"Shocked to see me, aren't you boy," my father sneered. I knew I probably looked terrified, but I was. There was no denying it. I knew that I could have easily been killed that night, and I did not take comfort in that fact.   
  
"Mr. Black, I do suggest you be as polite as possible to your son," Dumbledore said, penetrating my father with an icy glare.   
  
"I do not think it wise for you to boss me around. Especially about HIM," snarled my dad in return.  
  
"Will both of you be quiet," intervened Mr. Potter. Dumbledore and my dad both fell silent, but kept on glaring at each other. That surprised me. Dumbledore rather showed his dislike for someone. I guess he was just really angry. I glanced at James and Mrs. Potter. They both looked uneasy and a little worried.   
  
"Well, Mr. Black," said the ministry official, "you are in a bit of a situation."   
  
"How do you figure?"  
  
"Well, first by abusing your son. Mrs. Potter says that wasn't the first time young Black here had been abused."  
  
"He's my son and I'll do whatever I want to do with him," snapped Mr. Black. I glanced at Dumbledore. That statement seemed to make him even angrier.   
  
"That may be true, Mr. Black, but your son is still a minor. Not to mention a human being. In case you've forgotten, all humans have emotions," Dumbledore interrupted.  
  
"Precisely," agreed the official. "Just because your son isn't acting the way you might wish him to is no reason to beat him."  
  
"I think it's a very good reason," replied my father. I winced slightly as his gaze turned on me. His eyes were full of anger, scorn, and disdain. "I don't know why you even wanted me here. I don't want him."  
  
"What about your wife?" asked Mr. Potter.  
  
"She was the first one to agree with me. We do not want to have to care for such a....blood traitor. Goodbye." My father apparated out of the room. I stared at the place that he had been standing in. Tears threatened to fall, but I quickly pushed them back. James looked shocked and Mrs. Potter had her lips pursed together.   
  
"Well, um....what do we do now?" asked the official.   
  
"We find him a place to stay," answered Dumbledore, now looking at me carefully. He seemed to be searching my heart and soul for my preferences.   
  
"Where would you like to stay, Sirius?" asked Mr. Potter kindly. Although I rarely saw him, he was more of a father to me than Mr. Black was. I looked around at James's and Mrs. Potter's faces. They both looked slightly hopeful.  
  
"Well, sir, if you wouldn't mind, I'd kind of like to stay here. If," I added quickly, "that's not too much of a problem." I looked apprehensive to hear his answer.   
  
Dumbledore looked at the Potter's for a disagreement, and when he saw none, he turned and nodded at the official. The official looked kind of stunned.   
  
"Well, ok. You can come down by the ministry to sign paperwork in a few days, Mr. Potter," the official finally said. Then in a lower tone, one that I still heard, he added, "If he gets to be too much trouble you can always call us. We'll take him somewhere else."  
  
Mr. Potter shook his head. "Thank you, but I'm sure that won't be necessary. I'll be down to sign the papers after work on Thursday."  
  
"Alright Mr. Potter," the official said, and glancing at me one last time, he apparated with a loud CRACK.  
  
Dumbledore also stood up to leave. He glanced at me once before he took Mrs. Potter aside. I couldn't hear what they were saying but I knew it was about me. Quite frankly, I didn't want to know, so I walked over and sat by James.   
  
"You're gonna be staying with us now, mate. Aren't you happy?" exclaimed James.  
  
"The joy is kinda squelched by the fact that I had to see my father again."  
  
"Oh...well, you get to stay with me. That's gotta make up for the bad."  
  
"Yeah, I guess." There was silence between us for a few minutes. "We have to go back to school soon," I finally said.  
  
James looked at me, slightly unhappy. "Yeah, maybe we should go pack."  
  
"Yeah, we probably should."  
  
"Let's go pack now so we won't have anything else to do for a while."  
  
"Alright."  
  
"Let's go."  
  
James and I ran up the stairs. I was so happy. I had my best friend back.   
  
********  
  
A.N. So, that was the chapter. the next one they'll go back to hogwarts and....i don't know, stuff will happen. Sorry the chapters are kinda short. i get an idea and write it out, but its' not a very long idea and....well, you get it. the next chapter will be up soon. ta. 


	10. Return to Hogwarts

Disclaimer: i have not come into ownership of this book yet, however, i've almost got a plan. teeheehee  
  
this is the next chapter. obviously. i know it's been like a little bit since i last posted, but i've had school, and sleep is needed, and the antibiotics make my head hurt, and writers block never helps anyone in writing something, and....that's all. anyways, read the chapter. this one is actually pretty good. I think anyways.   
  
Chapter 10 Return   
  
James and I got back to Platform 9 3/4. When we entered, I started scanning the crowds, looking for familiar faces. I saw the Malfoy family there with Regulus. Regulus saw me and smiled smugly. He had obviously heard what had happened. I forced myself to look away from him and continue gazing around.   
  
Then I saw Remus. He looked ill, pale, and lonely. I cringed inwardly. I was afraid of what he was going to say. Although James had forgiven me, and had said that Remus had forgiven me, I was still anxious. James had seen me staring at Remus and he gave me a quick pat on the back, muttering in my ear, "Everything's going to be alright."  
  
I wasn't really convinced, so I said good bye to Mrs. Potter and told James I'd find a compartment on the train. James nodded and Mrs. Potter gave me a kiss on the cheek. I knew that James would go over to Remus and explain things. At the moment, I wasn't in the mood to be spilling my guts to anybody out in front of everyone.   
  
I walked onto the train, dragging my trunk behind me. I found an empty compartment and sat down in it, feeling apprehensive. If I was Remus I would still be furious. Then again, if I was Remus, none of this would have happened. I glanced nervously at my watch. The train would be leaving in about five minutes. That meant that I would have to confront Remus sooner than I wanted to.   
  
The moment I had been apprehensively waiting for came. James and Remus entered the compartment. James sat down beside me and Remus sat down across from me. Peter was no where to be seen. I glanced at James questionly and he shrugged and then nodded back to Remus.  
  
Silence reigned in the compartment for a few minutes. Tense, long, profound silence.   
  
Remus was the first one to break the silence. "James told me what happened. Are you alright?"  
  
I gazed at him, shocked. "You're not mad at me? You're not going to wish I had never been born? You're not going to storm out of here because I was a big jerk? You're not going to yell profanities at me?"  
  
Remus sighed. "Sirius, I spent two months doing that. I'm tired of being angry at one of my closest friends. Yes you made a mistake. Yes I won't be able to trust you in the same way anymore. Yes it hurt me how you so easily betrayed my trust. And yes, I still want to be your friend. Everyone makes mistakes. Sometimes, the mistakes are bigger than the other ones. But I don't care. I'm tired of being angry at you. I just want to get on with my life. It never did anybody any good living in the past."  
  
I stared at him with an open mouth. What Remus had just said moved me so deeply that it surprised me. I had been expecting words of reprimand, or words of saddness, or even words of furious anger, but not words of kindness, understanding, and forgiveness. Just goes to show I shouldn't underestimate my friends so much.   
  
Just then the door opened and Peter walked in. "You have no idea how long it took me to....Sirius, why are you here?"  
  
"Everything's forgiven, Peter," answered Remus, looking sternly at the confused boy.   
  
"I'll explain everything while we take a nice little stroll," James said, taking Peter by the arm and leading him back out the door. Leaving me alone with Remus, who was now looking at me closely.  
  
"Why do you still have bruises and scars?" he asked finally. I looked down at my arm. I was wearing a long sleeved shirt, but my father had been violent with every part of my body it seemed. (a.n. please don't think that means more than it does. we're having nice clean minds while we read this, aye?) On my wrist was a long red slash where it had been sliced with a knife. The little bit of skin that was showing above that showed proof of being battered and beaten. The back of my hand was also a large black bruise.   
  
I sighed. "Magic can't do everything and considering they aren't really all that painful it's alright just to leave them there. Just a disfiguration on my otherwise perfect self."   
  
Remus laughed, but got somber rather quickly. "He hurt you because of me didn't he."  
  
I paused for a minute. Yes, my father had lost his patience because I wouldn't tell him that Remus was the werewolf, but I would probably have gotten the same beating for something else later.   
  
"Yes, and no," I answered. He looked confused so I went on to explain. "My father was mad at me the moment I entered the house. He wanted me to tell him who the werewolf was and I said I'd rather before I betrayed my friend again."  
  
"What did he say to that?" interrupted Remus.  
  
"Only that I might. That's not the point. If I had told him what he wanted to know then he probably would have just given me the same beating later for some other thing that I had done. I meant what I said though. I would rather be dead than watching you hurt."  
  
"Thanks," Remus said, looking at me as if he had never seen me before. James and Peter came back in moments after that conversation, and the rest of the train ride continued on as every other one we had been on together.  
  
We arrived at Hogwarts at about 6:00 pm. I got off with my friends and we rode up in the carriages together, still laughing and joking.   
  
When we got to where the carriages stopped, I got out, suddenly noticing how hungry I was.   
  
"I'm hungry," I whined to James and Remus. Peter had gone elsewhere to find his girlfriend. Why he has one and I don't is a complete mystery to me.   
  
"You're always hungry," answered Remus, laughing slightly.  
  
"Yeah Padfoot. Anyways, you don't need any food. You're developing what some people would call baby fat at a younger age," teased James.  
  
"Shut up Prongs," I growled, which made Remus and James laugh more.   
  
We walked into the Great Hall. If I hadn't been so wrapped up in my own joy, I would have noticed Natalie and Ben in the corner. If I hadn't been so happy, then Natalie's tears would have certainly come to my notice. If I hadn't been so wrapped up in James and Remus, I would have noticed Ben gesturing for me to come over to them. However, my life was back to it being James, Remus, Peter, and myself and my only concerns were them and food. Given that, I didn't notice and sat down as if they had never existed. However, I felt as if I was forgetting something, but what?  
  
*************  
  
A.N. and that was the chapter. ok, i might have lied. that one probably was no better than the other ones. but that's ok. please review. love to all. 


	11. Great Hall Trauma

A.N: here's the next chapter. i don't really have a plot for this one so it will probably be really random unless you know me. which...you don't. please read it anyway.  
  
Chapter 11 Great Hall Trauma  
  
I went to bed that night, not even noticing anything of my surroundings except my friends. I was so tired that after dinner, I stumbled up to the Gryffindor common room and then up to the dormitories. I was asleep the instant my head hit the pillow.  
  
*$*$*$*$*$*$*$*$  
  
  
  
The next morning I was awoken by a pillow hitting me full in the face. Painfully.   
  
"Ouch!" I exclaimed, sitting up abrutly. James's smiling face came into focus and I playfully shook my fist at him. "I'd watch it Potter."  
  
"Or what?" he teased.   
  
I was going to answer but just then the door to the bathroom opened and out walked Remus. "Please don't start. Not this early in the morning at least."   
  
"But we always hit someone in the face with a pillow in the morning," argued James, pouting a little bit. I laughed and shook my head slightly. Typical James. It was almost as if the past two months had never happened, except I was still a bit sore. Just a little bit. Still, something was on the edge of my mind almost. Something I was forgetting. But what...? I pushed the thought out of my head and took a quick shower and brushed my teeth.   
  
I walked out of the bathroom drying my hair to see Remus and James sitting on my bed, planning something. James looked up when he heard my entrance. "We're planning some kind of prank for our FAVORITE Slytherin."  
  
"Snape?" I asked, though I knew the answer. Of course it was Snape. It was always Snape. Or Malfoy, but usually Snape."What do you have in mind?"  
  
"Well...we actually have no idea," confessed James. "We've used all of the good ideas already."  
  
"Maybe that shows you that we should give it up," suggested Remus, looking kind of pleadingly at James.  
  
"Maybe...nah," he snorted back.  
  
I rolled my eyes. I seemed to have gotten more sensible in my time of trial. Not much, but still...I guess it is an improvement. I usually would have given a harsh kind of retort. "Where's Peter?" I asked randomly, looking around the dormitory and noticing that he wasn't anywhere around.  
  
"He went down to breakfast already," answered Remus, glancing at the clock by my bed. "And judging by the time, if we want breakfast, we should go get it. Now."  
  
"A brilliant suggestion, Moony," agreed James. And with that we were out of the dormitory.   
  
When we entered the Great Hall I could tell some people were a bit surprised to see James, Remus, and me together. Of course the entire school knew about our fight. Well, not the specifics, but they knew that James and Remus were angry at me. Quite frankly, I don't really think Peter cared about it. He was just doing what made him more popular.   
  
I followed James and Remus to where we usually sat and looked around, for the first time really comprehending my surroundings. That's when my eyes fell on them. On her. I immediately knew what I had forgotten. Ben and Natalie were sitting there. Natalie looked really depressed and Ben was patting her on the back. Every so often he would glance at me and a sad look seemed to take place in his eyes. They were both always so cheerful. Now, however, all the light in their eyes were gone. Something terrible must have happened to have quenched their joy in life so much.  
  
Now I felt guilty. They had been there when I hadn't any friends. They comforted me when I had to go back to Grimmauld Place. They reassured me that they didn't care about my family history. And what did I do? I forgot completely about them the moment I had James and Remus back.   
  
  
  
I got up. I couldn't do that. Even I had a conscience sometimes, and now was one of those times.  
  
James looked at me funny has I started to leave though. "Is something wrong?"  
  
"I'll be right back."  
  
I walked to the end of the table to where Natalie and Ben were sitting. Ben looked up, glaring slightly. Natalie continued to gaze dismally at her empty plate. It appeared as if she hadn't eaten anything. Behind me, I could feel James's gaze burning into the back of my skull. I ignored him and sat down by Natalie.  
  
"Is everything alright?" I asked softly. What happened next startled me. Her head shot up and her eyes were dark with anger and slightly bloodshot. Their were angry pink splotches on her cheeks and she was shaking with fury. Surprised, I backed away slowly.  
  
"Do you THINK everything is alright?" she practically screamed, catching the attention of people sitting near us. James was still watching me and seemed to be amused at what was happening. I bet he thought I was asking her out, and while the thought crossed my mind, I knew that now would be a bad time.  
  
"Well, what happened?" I asked patiently.  
  
"YOU!" she screamed this time, tears starting to spill from her brown eyes. "AND YOUR FAMILY!!! YOU DESTROYED MY FAMILY!!! YOU DESTROYED US!!! YOU BROKE MY HEART!!! HERE I WAS THINKING THAT MY BROTHER AND I ACTUALLY MEANT SOMETHING TO YOU, BUT NOOO....THE MOMENT YOU HAVE YOUR OLD FRIENDS BACK YOU COMPLETELY FORGET ABOUT US. IT'S LIKE WE NEVER EVEN EXISTED." she lowered her voice slightly and continued, "But nooo, we were never good enough for a pureblood like Black to want to hang out with us. We're just normal witches and wizards. Well you know what BLACK, I don't need you. I dont' even know why I LIKED you. Not anymore. I will not make the same mistake. NOW GO AWAY!"  
  
"Natalie..." I trailed off, uncertain as to what to say.  
  
"I thought you actually liked me. Maybe even loved me...Guess I was wrong. As usual. Please just...go away," she whispered now, tears streaming down her face quickly. I sighed and got up, but Ben also got up.   
  
"Can I speak with you for a moment?" he asked, his expression neither angry nor friendly. I nodded numbly and followed him out of the Great Hall. We stopped right outside the entrance. "You do like Natalie, don't you?"  
  
I nodded. I was shocked. I hadn't been expecting this. "I liked her from the moment I spoke to her."  
  
Ben nodded slightly, and continued, "She had a feeling this would happen. Right now it's not your fault she's so mad. You know how we said our parents were killed by the Black's, well...we had a sister. She was murdered just yesterday. The Black's were behind it. Natalie didn't mean that you had something to do with it. She's just...she needed to vent. She's been keeping her feelings bottled up like that for too long, and when she finally cracks....well, I think you get what happens."  
  
I nodded again. "You do realize that James is my best friend, don't you?"   
  
He smiled slightly. "After what happened over the summer, how could I not understand? He's like a brother to you. And we respect that. Just...don't completely forget Natalie and me. Alright?"  
  
I nodded and he smiled slightly and walked back to Natalie. I observed by the door as he talked to her, once again patting her back. I sighed and walked back to James and Remus. So one of my maniac family members had murdered my friend's sister. That would explain some of the angry words thrown at me by Natalie. I couldn't really blame her. I still cared about her deeply though.  
  
"So, how does it feel to be rejected, Padfoot?" James teased when I sat down.  
  
"I didn't go over there to ask her out. I wanted to make sure everything was alright."  
  
"Who are they?"   
  
"They've been here for about a month. They were my friends while you and Remus were still angry with me."  
  
"Oh. Why did she get so upset?"  
  
I explained all about her family and how my family was involved in destroying it. James winced every now and then. When I was finished, James shook his head and said, "Tough luck," and then continued eating as if I had said nothing important. I gazed at him a bit surprised that he could be so dismissive about something that was tearing Natalie and Ben apart. He looked at my expression and asked what around a bite of his toast. I just shrugged and went back to my breakfast. It would be hard to get James to accept them. I looked back at the two, thinking about what I was supposed to do. For once, I came up short of good ideas.  
  
********  
  
A.N.: there was the chapter. yep. i don't know if that was good or not. so...just review and i'll be happy. and if you don't review...i'll probably still be happy. *sighs* oh well. i'd PREFER it if you reviewed. oh, how do you do italics? 


	12. Author's note: Sorry

A.N. Ok, i was going to go farther with this fic, but i changed my mind. instead, i'm going to make it so it's a part of my other fan fiction, Of Mutes and Friends. Of course, i'm going to change it a bit, but hey. i found out that this story would make a good chapter in the other fiction. i'm sorry if this breaks anyone's heart that i'm doing this, but in the end, i think it will make both of my fics better. who knows. plus, i just ran out of time to update BOTH of my fics. anyways, the point is, if you want to see this fic again, wait a while for my other fic to get to this time zone thing. yeah. i don't know how long it'll be, but in another month, probably, i'll have this part on the other fic. who knows? not i. thank you for reading it though. sorry again if this is incredibly heartbreaking and traumatizing. but, i haven't updated in forever anyways, so....i don't know. sorry again. look for it in my other fic though. 


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